Friday, April 23, 2010

Princess Bambalina

My Princess Bamber has hit me with yet another thing to worry about. I know that worry is a sin but how do you not worry about your children. I have prayed almost everyday for the last three years that the values I have worked so hard to instill in her takes hold. I probably should back this up and explain the relationship that Bamber and I have. Bamber was my life. We did everything together. She was my best friend and I hers. Even through the teenage years we remained close. I did my best to make sure that she could explore everything her heart desired as I am doing for my son Bub now. That didn't me that she was spoiled rotten, it just means that if she showed interest in something I allowed her to explore. I sent her to Catholic schools to make sure that she was educated academically but also learned about God and Jesus. She never gave me any problems. Two weeks into the eleventh grade Bamber got mono. We didn't know what was wrong with her until two months later. After mono she slipped into what is called post mono depression. Her whole eleventh grade year was a total blurr. Things didn't seem right after that. She started moving more away from me. Her friends became more important. Now I know that this is part of growing up. I was OK with it. I can't say it didn't hurt like hell but I was OK with it. Bamber went on to graduate. By this time we spoke very little. She wanted to become her own person. Again, I new this was part of growing up. Things came to a head a week after her graduation party. Some type of blow up occured. I can't even tell you what it was about, I can only tell you that my Princess had left and did not speak to me for almost two years. That was the hardest time for me. I still cry today thinking about it. I prayed everyday "God just let her be OK and guide her!" She moved in with her boyfriend and his family and stayed in contact with my mother. My mother became the wedge between us, but that's another story for another time. Bamber did go to college as was planned and she got a job. She did well for herself. Bambers dream has always been to be a architect and interior designer. This dream started in elementary school. I could not be more happier to see her full fill that dream. One of the reason she picked the school that she is going to was because they offer a year in Italy to study design. I new this, but a part of me was hoping that she would change her mind and not go. Well, she just informed me the other night that she can apply to go to Italy starting in January 2011 for six months. I did my best to not sound like I didn't want her to go but deep down inside me I DON'T WANT HER TO GO! It feels like I just got her back just to loose her again. I'm scarred because of what could happen. Look at the college student who was just sentenced to 26 years for murder. I followed that story knowing that Bamber wanted to go there and study. How do I stop her from going? There is no one to talk to but God. Am I going to be strong enough to handle HIS plan? What if she is wanting me to tell her not to go? How do I know? Well, after writing this I gave it to God. I hope and pray that my eyes aren't clouded so much that I can't see His anwer. I wonder if they make a suitcase large enough for me & Bub to stow away in?

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

Oh sweetie, it must be so hard to let go. She is grown though, and I'm so happy the Lord has begun to heal and restored your relationship. Celebrate her dreams and that she is really working to make them come true. If you celebrate each exciting moment with her she will want to include you in more of her life, and you will continue to stay close. If you put a damper on her dreams and independence here I'm afraid she might with draw again. You've given her roots, a good foundation to build on, but now it's time to give her wings. Even if it is a mistake, let her make her own mistakes so she can learn and grow into the woman you hope she will become. ((Big Hugs)) -And yes remind me of all this later, when I am going through it. :) ~Blessings!